done with art paper, and masks.

now my brother will argue with this but i think the best movie is "men of honor." it gets me in a proud state of mind. well i have to continue doing my checklist hopefully by tomorrow i will be done with breakfast of champions. bye.
- posted by Katie @ 10:26 PM

 
My checklist:
make masks for art 110
do extra paper for art 110
read sociology book
do sociology book review or report
finish up all theater hours
after that is all done....
STUDY STUDY STUDY for finals

other things not on homework list:
make curtains
go to class
pack up room more
transfer carpet over to storage unit
leave for airport to go home

well i have to go and finish my homework list
- posted by Katie @ 6:01 PM

 
i was thinking that before when i was longing for home was mild but yesterday night was the worst. though i have a grandmother in town it still feels like i am alone. yesterday was probably the hardest thing to get through because of the need to be home. i think that with all the crying i did it probably added up to an hour. after crying myself to sleep i went to bed at 2. then i was wakened by jamie, shane, and danielle who were all really drunk. as the bang and made so much noise i was awakened. they turned on the tv and that was blaring. then jamie and shane started talking quietky which was annoying. my nerve was already gone so i grabed my pillow and blanket got up trip and hurt my ankle slightly and said "i going to sleep in the lounge" then SLAMED the door. i was sooooo pissed and exhausted from everything that is happening and all i want to do is go home.
i think this is testing my independency and the ability to stand alone here at school. But last night all i wanted is my mommy and for her to stroke my hair and a hug from my dad. i wanted them here sitting next to me.
well i am going to do some homework which right now all i want to do is be lazy. BUT i can't :(
bye.
- posted by Katie @ 12:27 PM

 
i spent the night alone and i miss home the most. i sat here trying to do homework but memories of my mom, dad, and brothers came back to me. i talked to them which made it worse when i got off the phone. i tried to have fun with jamie and her friends but i tried to hold back tears when they entered the room. so i went down to a empty room and had a break down. i had a bad end of the week. i was accused of copying my roommate and visa versa. so we have to do an extra paper is not needed. then i feel left out tonight because no one is here. kim has a friend in and went out with shaun, his friend, ben, kim, and her friend and there was not enough room in the car for me. even though i couldn't afford going to dinner and i was invited kim told me she was going to be home aroud 10 so i gave it about an hour more. so i call because it was almost two hours later than expected. it is 1 in the morning. she and everyone are okay and having lots of "fun" together. well i am going to bed and try to make it through the next 14 days i have left. i think that it is going to be good when i am going home but after awhile i feel like i need the freedom again. i don't know what to expect. bye.
- posted by Katie @ 12:45 AM

 
i am frustrated...my roommate lies to her parents about her working on wednesday and thursday. She hasn't worked all this quarter and she DOESN"T HAVE FRIDAY CLASSES so she coudl work but she doesn't want to. I am responsible to remember her schedule of when she is supposely to work downstairs. it is not my responsiblity nor my obligation as a roommate to has more things to remember. the one time i told her that she was down "working" when she was out in the sun. her mom told me she picked up her cell phone when she was laying out. i was like ohhh she is probably cleaning or something downstairs. then when jamie came back a couple minutes later she was like "why you tell her that???" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....oooooo she is on my last nerve. shoot she gets angry at me. IT IS NOT MY FAULT AND MY RESPONSIBLITY. GET IT THROUGH HER HEAD I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LIE. OOOOOOO SHE IS UNDER MY SKIN AND I NEED SPACE NOW. i am not yelling at anyone but her in my head. so don't take offense to it. i just want to sock her in her face and shake her to realize lying to whoever will get you in more webs of lies being made. it doesn't affect you it affects all the people you associate with.

i am just trying to get out my emotion before i yell at her and she yells at me for forgetting about this and pionting out she has made a schudule so i can remeber.

her mom just called i picked up and told her hang on and was going to pass on the phone and she gave a look like are you stupid "i suppose to not be here." i gave her the phone and she had to tell a fib or a lie to her mom about why she is not down at work. a lot of lies have been spread this quarter to her mom.

i have to go eat lunch. bye
- posted by Katie @ 11:07 AM

 
so i gave my dad a list of good food when i get home. if you haven't experienced or experienced dining halls. take my word for it they are awful but somedays they are good but most likely horrible. so at the end of my list i put this:

i think spagetti would be good to have when i first come home *wink*
*wink* love ya katie

ok so i made it known in bold letters. *hint* *hint* *hint*
well i am off to bed because recently i have been very tired most of the day. nite
- posted by Katie @ 11:03 PM

 
it is monday and it is about 19 days before i leave for columbus with ursula. that is including weekends and holiday(memorial day). wow it seems so far away but you put it in that terms of 19 days it seems a little closer. well i have to get ready for my class at 10. ohh wait all i have to do is come and sit and listen because i am done with EDCE(career planning) woo-hoo. well i have to go anyways.

ohh yeah so a few nights ago i wrote my parents that jamie might not be my roommate next year because the girl across the hall. well the girl has not told anyone what she is doing and seems to have the ball in her court with her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend or semi-boyfriend. so as of right now jamie is and next year will be my roommate until further notice from amanda across the hall. bye.
- posted by Katie @ 9:21 AM

 
i am doing much better today other than jamie has her three friends here who are just like her. it will be fine because they will be leaving on sunday. then next weekend we(jamie and i with help from kim, ursula(maybe), amanda, and beth) will be taking down the lofts and rolling up my carpet. then maybe transfering the carpet over to the storage unit with maybe more bins and my bookcase. also i might take later on my stereo(aka matthews one) and my blender to my grandmothers. well i am going to chill here because kim is out with jason and other people, ursula is home, i don't talk to steph and she is out with her friend anyway, emily is with her boyfriend, jamie is going out with her three friends, and other people are going out soon depending if they will take the risk to leave in the rain/thunderstorm. as of right now it has stopped raining/thunderstorming. bye.
- posted by Katie @ 8:22 PM

 
i was having a good morning but it was hard to get up. when i finally got up i was doing okay. i went to class 12-1 and then 1-5 but only stayed 1-210 because there is not a lot to do in theater but i got all my hours i signed up for. when i arrive home to my dorm i was doing okay so i looked at fabric because i was trying to do something with my room and make curtains because our (jamie and i's) closet are in a "L" shape for next year. i was looking at zebra fabric and jamie was kind of rude. i found a sheer fabric that was cheap and i asked her to look at it because there was other ones other than zebra that was pretty. she was like "well, that would defeat the purpose it you get that." she said that in a snappy voice. as she was watching tv before she went to class i asked her to look at this because i wanted her input. she said "i don't care what you do."

i was hurt by that and luckily she was leaving for class. i am fed up with being cut off and put down because i care. why should i talk anyway. why put my input. it just relays back memories with my family in a way. not bad ones but kind of feeling left out and not expressing my feelings towards that. i like being the only child sometimes when both of my brothers off to college but when they came home it was cool. it was cool but then i would be kicked off the tv or told what to do like watch this go upstairs to another tv. so i would go in my room(which was dark and i played my dark music..j/k) but it was dark and i played music. i sat there and thought why this hurts me so much or why don't i say something. it is just hurtful to think about and to hear. i am a emotional and sensitive person and things that are snappy make me feel stupid and unwanted. i went to take a nap so i could feel better. all i could think of is back at home this and that would happen. also i remember my brother matthew(who is two years older than me) would pick on my nonstop before we hit puberty in was bad but now it is cool. he would pick on the way my arms look like a werewolf or say that i am a lesbian or call me ugly. not to pick on matthew i love him dearly. i am not blaming him at all he is a good brother and he taught me a lot by wresling with him. things he tease with me still are stuck in my head. that is why with that teasing it lowered my self esteem and self confidence but was not the deciding factor for me to hate the way my body grew. it was also genes and looking at other peoples body types and disliking myself for looking a certain way. when i meet new people i look down on myself at not being to good for them.

you may ask yourself why am i laying this out on the web that people may read. i don't know for sure but i don't like talking to people about what goes on in my head(i already tried it and i felt vulnerable and i don't like the feeling). also this is kind of like a journal. i don't like write with paper and pen and it is bad to bottle up my feelings.

maybe i am mildly depressed because i haven't been home(when i leave here) for about 5 months 10 days. that is too long because right now i am longing for things at home(which is in texas and i am in ohio). i am longing for good food made by my dad, snuggle with my mom as she strokes my hair, to be able to cook, to visit friends, to get a good burrito(freebirds), to sit side by side my dad at the computer, enjoy my own room, able to drive, get a hug from my parents any time i want and much much more that i can't think of.

maybe thinking of that i can get through the next couple of weeks. i have about 3 weeks left including finals. i am pushing through but it feels like i am truging through water and it is tough to get to the other side. i will make it and hopefully i can get on a earlier flight to get home on the 12th.

i have to go and go to a lecture by taylor davis. it is extra credit for a class or i would just lay on my bed studied for my sociology test and zone out the world.
- posted by Katie @ 6:53 PM

 
i know some of these are religous but they match my life right now. hopefully by listening to these i can get out of my funk i am in. today i have been on the verge of tears on and off but i have no reasons why. i have to go and do something maybe homework or relax for awhile and try to de-stress by listening to music. bye.

p.s. you can read the lyrics or not your choice.

right now i love this song:
yolanda adams
"never give up"

Visions that can change the world
Trapped inside an ordinary girl
She looks just like me
Too afraid to dream out loud

And though it's set for your idea
It won't make sense to everybody
You need courage now
If you're going to persevere

To fulfill your divine purpose
You've gotta answer when you're called
So don't be afraid to face the world
Against all odds

Keep the dream alive don't let it die, if something deep inside
Keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop
And never give up; don't ever give up on you
Don't give up

Every victory comes in time
Work today to change tomorrow
It gets easier
Who's to say that you can't fly?

Every step you take you get
Closer to your destination
You can feel it now
Don't you know you're almost there?

To fulfill your divine purpose(oohh oohh yeah yeah)
You've gotta' answer when you're called
So don't be afraid to face the world
Against all odds

Keep the dream alive don't let it die, if something deep inside
Keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop

And never give up; don't ever give up on you...

Sometimes life can place a stubborn block in your way
But you've gotta keep the faith
Bring what's deep inside your heart
To the light

And never give up
Don't ever give up on you,
Don't give up

Who holds the pieces to complete the puzzle?
The answer that can solve a mystery
The key that can unlock your understanding
It's all inside of you
You have everything you need

Oh so, keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try
Don't stop
And never give up; don't ever give up on you...

Sometimes life can place a stubborn block on your way
But you gotta keep the faith
Bring what's deep inside your heart yeah, your heart
To the light

And never give up
Don't ever give up on you
No.don't give up
No, no, no, no

Don't give up
Don't give up
Don't give up
Oh, don't, no, no, no, no
Don't...give...up

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

also like this song
yolanda adams
"open up my heart"

Verse 1
Alone in a room
It's just me and you
I feel so lost
'Cause I don't know what to do
Now what if choose the wrong thing to do
I'm so afraid, afraid of disappointing you

Chorus
So I need to talk to you
And ask you for your guidance
Especially today
When my life is so cloudy
Guide me until I'm sure
I open up my heart

Verse 2
My hopes and dreams
Are fading fast
I'm all burned out
And I don't think my strenghts gonna last
So I'm crying out
Crying out to you
Lord I know that you're the only one
Who is able to pull me through

Chorus
So I need to talk to you
And ask you for your guidance
Especially today
When my life is so cloudy
Guide me until I'm sure
I open up my heart

Bridge
So show me how
To do things your way
Don't let me make the same mistakes
Over and over again
Your will be done
And I'll be the one
To make sure the it's carried out
And in me, I don't want any doubt
That's why...

Chorus
I need to talk to you
And ask you for your guidance
Especially today
When my life is a little bit cloudy
Guide me until I'm sure
I open up my heart

Chorus 2
All I need to do
Is hear a single word from you
I open up my heart
Just one word could make
A difference in what I do Lord
I open my heart to you

You're the lover of my soul
Captain of my sea
I need a word from you
That's why I open up my heart

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
- posted by Katie @ 9:11 PM

 
i don't know what is going on with me right now. I am stuck in this place of annoiance with people and things that i usually found pleasure in. i like going out to movies and i am not motivated to do that. i go to class but it seems like effort and forced to because my family pays mucho money. i want to have direction, have a purpose, and a ground that i an call a place of my own. i try to express this to friends and they don't understand and encourage me that tomorrow will be better. but tomorrow is just the same. i think i am going through the emotions of school ending and upcoming things that i have to do.
i sit by my computer frozen in my own world but time around me goes by. i don't usually think about anything when i freeze or i will asks myself questions. i just don't seem motivated to go to school and i am pushing towards a goal that seems unreachable at this time. i don't know. i know that my family is going to read this and tell me that once i find a major or find a path it will be better. i don't know.
to me i don't seem happy. i was when my brother and his girlfriend came in and i meet my family a couple of times. i just don't feel whole and completely happy inside. i am happy to be here at school and have friends and everything like that. i just to me don't seem to be happy and i don't know how i can be happy again. i am not motivated so if i try to do something it is like dragging myself through mud. i will find what i am missing maybe tomorrow or in a couple of weeks. who knows.
well i have to go to bed because i have to do a speech in the morning and a lot of stuff to do before this week is over. maybe next week will be less stressful and less heck-tic(sp?). good night. bye
- posted by Katie @ 10:58 PM

 
Done with last major paper in EDCE(career planning class) just the presentation to due on wednesday morning then i am pretty much done all i have to do is sit and listen for the rest of the remaining weeks.

lots of making up in theater class because i have to have 90 hours by the end so i am going to work for awhile and hopefully i can get it done....Iam going to get it done.

sociology is going fine but slow one more test this friday and then the last last one is the final.

art 110 doing extra credit for that by going to lectures. have to go make wave hats yes wave as in ocean. most likely going to find out my midterm grade tomorrow. then all we have is a final left.

i only have 2 finals this quarter one june 10 at 1220(soc.) and june 11 1240(art 110). then i fly home on the 12th. well have to go make my hats and write a mini paper for wed. byebye
- posted by Katie @ 12:05 AM

 
i haven't written in awhile nor have i finished my birthday story. To wrap my birthday up short and sweet. There was a lot of drama and yelling the afternoon early evening time. A person crying another person pissed at me because i didn't want to go to a movie that we(all of out friends) were going to go see in Columbus. She made me cry over IM because of the hurtful things she said. No longer talking or interacting with her. She wants me to apologize for something that i could of said a lot more of and held back from her. i DON'T want her apologize to me because i am a better person now. No birthday dinner with Kim didn't work out with shaun and the his car. Then i went to sleep.
now it is the weekend and my family is in and it is scary and a lot of the same questions are being asked of me. so how's first year so on and so forth. My grandmother is here(she lives here), great aunt Dorothy, great uncle rye, mark and Maria and their three children, David and Joanne and their three children, Arthur, justin(my brother) and Jane(my brother's girlfriend). All here in Athens, oh. It is crazy just crazy. We all except justin and Jane because they weren't here yet went to the country club and it was delicious food, i couldn't stop eating now if the dining hall was like it i would eat the super 20 meal plan but because it is not i barely can eat my 10 meal plan. When i got home around 930ish i called my brother justin and they just got on 33 so about an hour away. so i waited and waited and finally they called and i was trying to directed them to my dorm which can be tricky at night because missing streets and Athens has a lot of one ways. First they went behind all of south green then they went to far and went on palmer. so i told them to turn around make a left and a immediate right then trying to describe where Jeff turn off street is is hard and right then the fire alarm went off. i told justin to follow the alarm. i hung up with him and got Kim because she was asleep then we went down to the front steps as i was looking and walking down towards a car a saw justin on the other side looking for me. i finally saw him and it was great then we walked back to the car and a meet a tired Jane because driving for 7 going on 8 hours is exhausting. so they decided to go to there hotel and i think i gave them the wrong direction. But they didn't call me so hopefully they found it. Oh yeah and no speeding tickets(because Jane was driving) well i have to go write my paper for Monday's class before i get pulled away with my family.

hope this filled you in on what is happening in my life. Bye
- posted by Katie @ 10:36 AM

 
Sorry everyone i am so tired. I have been very busy this end of the week and this weekend. I am ready to go home and i have 5 more weeks including finals of school left :( i am ready now i want mexician food, my mom and dad, and driving a car (and not having a grandmother's who drives you around and scares the shoot* out of you)i will tell the end of my birthday story or day hopefully tomorrow but most likely by the end of the week. bye

*change of word or name
- posted by Katie @ 11:17 PM

 
I didn't go to bed until 2am and was going to sleep into 930 to go to class at 10. Well i didn't get to sleep in because i was woken up at 838 in the morning by loud banging on the door. Then they did it again and jamie was ready to hit them because it was loud banging not a normal knock. Finally they came in ursula, kim, beth, and carin. carin took my picture while i was in bed dead tired and they started to sing happy birthday to me. i got up and went to breakfast with ursula and kim. I was very exhausted... i will tell tomorrow because i am exhausted and need to go to bed...nite y'all
- posted by Katie @ 1:43 AM

 
It's my BiRtHdAy and i can party with cake and ice cream...It's my BiRtHdAy and i can party with cake and ice cream... talk to later and tell you what happen on my birthday.
- posted by Katie @ 7:45 PM

 
well because of the sunburn i have swollen ankles. my calves are tight. i am also not in a good mood today for some reason i am upset with one person personally. I seem to me that i can't tell her everything becuase somehow she will become defensive and fight me on it then listen to what i have to say. i tried to cheer myself up for my birthday tomorrow. well i am going to watch american idol soon then when jamie(my roommate) comes back from her friends we are going to watch Aladdin. bye got to go.
- posted by Katie @ 7:42 PM

 
I am in pain. My ankles are swollen and my legs are tight because of a stupid decision i made. I went out in the sun for 4 and half hours without suntan lotion. now my shoulders, legs, chest, and stomach are burned. my legs are the worst and it is mostly the front of my body so that was a plus for me. well heading to bed i have a early morning because i have to call a storage unit, then have to put lotion all over my body where it is burned, then i have to painful put on clothes(mostly the jeans hurt) i can't wear socks and shoe(i tried) but it is soooooo painful(makes me on the verge of tears). luckily my roommate likes flip-flops so i am using hers. now the question i am asking is how am i going to carry my books and what if it is freezing outside filp-flops not so good to wear(it is going to be high of 59) well maybe that will feel good or i could get frostbite and add another problem on top of what i have. WOO-HOO fun. byebye because i need my body to heal and recover fast for my birthday on wednesday. By healed i mean wearing socks and shoes and not have pain. talk to you later
- posted by Katie @ 11:35 PM

 
Continuation of april 27(sorry i forgot to post it so read that one first):
We all were getting hungry so we decided to go find food but as we were about to decide which direction to go the march started and we joined in the march singing "hey-hey hoo-hoo bush has got to go" "hey-hey hoo-hoo bush has got to go." We were so hungry and decided to go find food and connected up with the march when we were all feed. with a chase all around the city we finally found food (HINT never ask the police in washington D.C. where to find food because they don't know). i think that was the best chinese ood i ate in my whole life. every bite was asticipated and enjoyed to the full extent it could have. as we finished up with food we ecided to go see the march. as we got there we marched a little and walked off to go see the momuments. I saw washington, lincoln, vietnam, wwII, and the reflection pool. time was running out before we had to get back on the bus so i couldn't go see korean, jefferson and some others. As we finished with the veitnam we decided to take a cab back to the station. So i hailed my first cab and rode in my first cab which was strange in its own way. We made it back in time to pass out on the bus. I went to sleep even if those girls kept talking. the next thing i know steph is waking me up because we are at a rest stop. it was harder to get back to bed but i managed because the next thing i know is that we are 10 minutes away from planned parenthood's parking lot. i a saw it was pouring out so i decided to call my grandmother at 145am in the morning. she didn't seem to mine but we all felt really bad because right when i hung up the cell phone the rain stopped. she came to meet us just down the street and while waiting there for her people found out that there front two tires were slashed. though we didn't need the ride we appreciated very much. when we arrived home at two we were all tired and ready to sleep. it was a fun experience and i have great pictures from it and posters. it is a memory that will be there until the next march. bye have to go do homework.
- posted by Katie @ 1:01 PM